she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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