its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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