I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
