last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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