i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
