i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
