he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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