She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
