Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
