i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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