Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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