I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I lost the right to judge tonight
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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