i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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