Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I need moral support for this bender
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
