is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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