Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
