Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
