omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize