remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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