his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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