i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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