Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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