your thong is hanging out like whoa
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
