hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
