whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
