32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
