After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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