Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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