she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
