She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think your dad took our porno
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
