Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
