Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
