dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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