He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
