community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize