I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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