apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
