Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
