I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
