with your own penis?
I want to make a zoo with you.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
