I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
