so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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