Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize