Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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