Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
