So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
