if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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