The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
