I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
