Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
