This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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