Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize