we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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