At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
