yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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