Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you traded sex for a burrito?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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