he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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