so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
