Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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