history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i drank out of a bidet.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
