Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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