Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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