he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize