Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
