well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
