Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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