if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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