Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
