No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
