Im at strip club and am horny
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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