dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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