Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
