Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
