i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
