new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize