Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
