I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
false alarm. still invincible.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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