can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
