3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
sex in a hospital.. check
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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