omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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