eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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