the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
