she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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