i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
