I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
