is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize