i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
