she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize