worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
