I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
