Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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