This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
why do cheetos always look like penises
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
