I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
