Three words: puerto rican gang bang
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
