Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
