I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
