reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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