She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
