awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
