take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
