Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
