I think I just saw someone hide a body.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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