We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
