Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's never too late to be topless.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize